Replacing Doubt with Magic | In the Silence
Amari and the Night Brothers by B.B. Alston
I really enjoyed this book! If it’s not clear by now, anything that deals with fantasy or magic is my ultimate jam. I rediscovered young adult fantasy fiction (using as a general term for the many other genre titles related to this) when the pandemic first began and it has been bringing me comfort since. Even when the stories are intense or tragic at times, I always know I will feel so filled and satisfied by the end. In a world that gets increasingly wild, we are desperate both for the things that ground us and things that let us escape. A balance between being in and out of this world. These kind of books let me escape, but the ones that center Black girls and women also help ground me. They affirm me in the beauty and uniqueness of being a Black woman and they give me hope for a world that celebrates that.
B.B. Alston created that space for me with Amari and the Night Brothers — the first of a trilogy of a young Black girl, Amari, with a desire to find her brother, Quinton, and ends up on an adventure learning about a supernatural world that she was born to be a part of. There are so many lines and moments in this book that stuck with me, but one thing I wanted to muse about on here was the idea of replacing your doubt with your magic and believing that it will see you through.
“It’s just that you could try to be a little enthusiastic when you perform the spell. You sound like the last thing you want is for it to work. Remember, your magic is alive. It can sense your doubt.”
Collectively, we talk a lot about ‘speaking things into existence’ and believing wholeheartedly in your goals. I firmly believe this as well, but it can often take me a while to get there. With any big decision I have made, it usually begins with listening to a gut feeling or intuition but then doubt starts to loom around. It shows up as “I might”, “I think”, and “maybe” and makes it harder to see the reality of a dream. There are a lot of things that get me from this point to then being able to state my goals or plans with an unshakeable conviction, but one of the things that aid in this shift and that I never really thought about until now was my magic.
No! I shake those doubts from my mind. That’s not me anymore. I’m not the girl who gives up. I’m the girl who tries. The girl who fights. The girl who believes.
The magic of who I am, where I come from, and the purpose I have this world carries me out of doubt and into conviction and action. My magic reminds me of the situations when I thought something was too hard or too impossible but I did it and made it through anyways. My magic affirms for me that what is meant for me will always find me. My magic empowers me to listen to my intuition and know that my ancestors are also speaking through it. My magic responds to the call of my being and my purpose.
Through sheer willpower and self-belief, you summoned up all your magic and demanded it take action. And, my dear girl, it heeded your call.
As I start to wrap up a huge chapter of my life in the next few months and begin another huge one, I am faced with a mix of emotions and thoughts. However, something is different now. I haven’t leaned into doubt as much as I used to and instead, there is an inner-knowing that whatever comes next, I have been and will be prepared for it. There are so many things that I never thought I would do that I have now done and intentionally remembering those moments has strengthened the belief I have in myself. So whenever ‘doubt’ knocks on my door, my ‘magic’ answers: No, thank you, I can do anything.
|Renée|
more quotes:
There are three reasons I never get tired of our library. First, it’s just so cool-
looking. Everything is made up of books- the floors, the ceilings, even the
pillars between the bookcases. You can type in your book title at the computer
catalog and get directions like Three paces to the left and look down or Pillar
closest to fern, climb up halfway. The second reason is that there’s just so
many interesting things to read about, even aside from what I need to learn to
become a Junior Agent.
The third reason is Mrs. Belle, the librarian. She has this knack for knowing
what you’d like to read, just by looking at you. It’s really helpful whenever I get
burned out from studying the not-so-fun books from our booklist. I don’t care
what anyone says, there’s a reason Supernatural Laws and Regulations comes
with a pillow on the cover.People assume stuff about you based on things you can’t change about yourself.
“..Something she can’t help and yet she still shows up anyway?” I shake my head. “Courage,” says Agent Fiona.
“Quite the temper.” Moreau smiles darkly. “Don’t be angry, child. Be better.”
“Remember that I gave you a chance, little magician. In the end, we are all bound by our choices.”
“Just because we’re afraid, doesn’t give us the right to attack,” I say. “Where I’m from that happens a lot-you get labeled as bad or scary just by how you look or what neighborhood you’re in. Remember that flowerpot in the library? I’ll bet whatever that was is just going to put some flowers in it.”
I knew my daddy would get it for me because he said he would. And daddies didn’t lie to their little girls. Well, Daddy didn’t even show up for my birthday.
He leads me over to the path and paints a tiny green sprout that grows through a crack in the concrete. “This reminds me of you.”
“How come?” I ask.
“Because you haven’t let where you come from or what you are make you give up. At least, not yet. You just keep fighting through it.”“I have learned to wait for what will be revealed to be revealed,” says Director Horus
“Not the stars themselves, but their spirits. Every natural thing exists in two places, both here and there. If we are physically here, then we are spiritually there. Likewise, if the stars are physically out there, then it only makes sense for them to be spiritually here. Do you understand?”
“We’ll begin with a look at your history,” Horus says next. “To understand where you’re going, we must first understand where your blood has been.”
“These are your ancestors. You are descended from great African tribal queens, from fierce warriors who protected the innocent, from renowned travelers who sought the thrill of adventure. Greatness, like all other traits, can be passed down in the blood, from parent to child.”
The image continues to shift, this time into a young girl on her knees before a man with a whip. It changes again to show men and women marching, even against the blast of a fire hose. “There is resilience in your blood too. The willpower to endure seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Though your ancestors were once slaves, their descendants fought for equal rights.”
“I’ll think you’ll change a lot of minds while you’re here, Amari Peters.”
“Only thing you can control is how hard you try,” he replies. “Make it as hard as possible to overlook you. Do that, and I’ll do what I can to see that you get a fair shake. Understand?”
“I do,” I say. “I’m going to outwork them all.”Magic is a living thing — it does a dead woman no good.
The knowledgeable girl lacks courage, while the courageous girl lacks knowledge.
“A touching sentiment, but I have no interest in changing minds,” says Moreau. “A lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep. The supernatural world shall fall in line or it shall die. Sadly, a great many will have to perish before this message is fully understood.”
Normally I’m not a fan of music that doesn’t have a beat. I mean, if I can’t bounce along to it, I’m just not interested.
“That’s part of growing up, Amari,” says Quinton. “You don’t need me anymore. As long as you bet on yourself and believe you can do anything, you can. That’s why I need you to make me a promise, okay?” Okay. “Mama told me how obsessed you were with finding me. Promise me you won’t spend your life beside this bed waiting for me to wake up. Go out and do and see everything. That’s what I want for you. Be as great as I know you can be. When I do wake up, and I will expect to hear lots of stories!”
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